The Great Thank You...

Back-story... Lainey is a very smart little girl, and like most kids she picks up on things then comes up with her own conclusions of how the world is. So in her mind this is how doctors work, you go in they talk to you and then they "change" you...

Here is how the day was to go, two doctors’ appointments and lots of errands to run. So it starts as I am getting Laine ready for the day she asked "mommy where are we going?" and I reply "we have to take Eliot to the doctor for a check-up and then after lunch with Daddy we are going to a new eye doctor to have your eyes checked." Let me pause here, I don't know if you have ever taken a small child to the eye doctor, but this is not a pleasant experience, to say the least. Okay; without too much protest we get everyone ready and into the car, phew, so far so good. Arrive at appointment number one... on time if you can believe it. All is well and since E is not feeling well from the cold he and I are currently sharing no shots today. So after a very stressed out pediatrician leaves; on to the next thing. I thought since we are right here I should stop in at Laine's old eye doctor to try and get her records transferred to the new place, which turns out to be a bigger deal than I anticipated but still not too bad. Meanwhile Laine is asking regularly about when the eye doctors is going to "change" her. On to lunch; meet up with my lovely husband and a few of his co-workers and sit for a brief moment, pleasant. Next the dreaded eye appointment. We check in and I am starting to look a little stressed, E is getting hungry and Laine is talking and talking as we walk to the waiting room lugging E in his seat, the Diaper bag my purse and trying to keep Lainey in tow. While filling out the new patient form Eliot starts to have a melt down, and since I have no idea how long we are going to be there I am trying to hold him off before I feed him, but to no avail. So I cave, now I am feeding E watching Laine play with the other kids and trying to fill out this darn new patient form. Well just as I finish the nurse calls us back. Here is where is gets really interesting. After talking to the nurse about said new patient form and answering all the questions once again, we see the doctor, she is great by the way. She checks Lainey and then hard part number one comes; we have to put the drops in to dilate her eyes. We get them in after lots of kicking, screaming and having to hold her down. Now we wait, back to the waiting room. Once there I realize that E has blown out his diaper... and I mean big time, it is everywhere. So there I am in the waiting room changing my sons diaper, clothes and socks, trying my best to wipe him up. I couldn't go to the bathroom because once again I don't know when we will be called back and just like before as soon as I finish we are called back. Load everything up and move back to the room. This time she has to shine a light into Lainey's eye so of course she freaks totally out. I cannot tell you how much of an ordeal this is. Now the worst part of all, the diagnoses, on top of what we already know about her eyes she has added that she has an astigmatism and needs to patch her left eye. I am sitting there trying really hard not to cry, while the doctor tells me she is still optimistic that she will outgrow her glasses. Somehow this news was worse than the first time we took her in and found out that our 1 year old couldn't see well. "We'll see you in two months to check the bi-focals and hope you have a great day", thanks and how much did you say those new glasses would be? $350.00 awesome. Now is 3 hours since we first arrived we are finally leaving, I am trying to process it all and talk to Nathaniel about all of the options. Once I see him I conclude, I never want to do that alone again. Finally later that night Lainey is about to go to bed so she is giving me a hug and tells me "I love you too, thanks for having my eyes changed today". Yep I totally melted, I hugged her tight and said, "you're welcome".

Rhyme Time

Oh how funny it is when your sweet, innocent, little girl comes running in the room singing duck, stuck, smuck... and you get the picture. Of course she has no idea what she said and I certainly didn't tell her.

Originality

In the quest to name our children there are a few schools; first their is the traditional, Jack and Jane and then the extremest, Ocean and Apple, we fall somewhere between. Not totally weird but not that common either. With both babies we found a name we liked then looked at the Social Security list of registered names to see where they fall. Both were really far down the list, so we think we're pretty safe. Odds are they will be the only ones in their class with it and most likely they won't be chastised... too much. Well we are sitting at the food court eating dinner one night and come to find out the family sitting next to us who have two kids a girl and a boy have also named there children Lainey and Eliot. I know; it was totally weird, they did spell them differently but still, so weird. S0 I guess we are not quite as original as we thought, ha.

Dairy Free

Do you know how much you eat dairy? Yeah I didn't either until my 3 week old started the exorcist style of spitting up. I am seriously talking, arms flailing, spit up coming out of the nose and mouth, shooting across the room. Oh and I cannot forget the look of panic on my baby's face. This did not only happen once but about every other day for about a week; and as you would guess almost only when someone was holding him. One particular time his Gigi was holding him while dressed uber cute and within a moment all was lost. Someone standing by asked "so does his head spin too?" to which I calming replied, "my child is not possessed." So the day came that I called my pediatrician, they told me to do what I already suspected and feared... cut out ALL dairy. At first you think, oh ok I can do this... no milk for your cereal or no cheese on your sandwich, but then you relize that is just the tip of the iceburg. Now I don't know if my family consumes more dairy than yours, maybe because I love cheese or that my husband is from a little state called Wisconsin, but either way I relized we eat a lot of dairy. I will have to say at home things are not that big of a deal, I have vegan cheese, soy cream (for the ever important coffee) and rice milk, so I make do. There are a few minor things at home like when said Wisconsinite wants to eat ice cream while sitting next to you on the couch. Yes, yes I know there is soy ice cream, but at some point it is just not worth it. Then there is going out to eat, this is hard. Sure there is usually something to order, but when you are sitting at your favorite pizza joint eating a salad because they don't have vegan cheese it leaves something to be desired; or when your sisters has made a wonderful choccolate sauce... oh I mean Pot de Creme, poured over ice cream. Truthfully though, it is worth it, I know E is getting the best food for him and I can wear my shirt for longer than just between feedings. So the next time you order coffee with cream, a cheese burger or even eat that cherry cobler think of me and enjoy.

Premeditated Deception...

Picture this, you are two and a half, and you want a delicious treat from the loot you scored two nights before. It is only 10:00 in the morning, so you ask, "Mama can I have candy?" No dice, she says "no it is too early for sweets." Even you know the toaster pastry you just ate has way more sugar than that pack of skittles you currently are eying. Okay only a minor setback, you wait until you see your window. Aha! Mom has to get in the shower. Unfortunately she is distracted by the TV and the email she says she has to write, so she sits back down on the couch... "Mommy do you have to take a shower?" you ask sweetly just to remind her as she is typing away. Patiently you pass the time, about thirty minutes, playing on the floor. Just as you start to lose hope she closes the computer and you jump up and grab her hand. "Mama go take a shower now" you say as you pull your mother, who at this point may or may not know you are up to something, into the bathroom. You let go and run into the other room climbing up on the chair by the counter where a great big bowl filled with any candy your heart desires awaits you. "Finally" you think to yourself; but just as you reach for a piece there she is. Oh no Mommy has followed you; wide eyed and startled, putting on the cutest most innocent face you quickly come up with something to try to weasel your way out. But since she isn't buying it; off to baby jail you go. You have served your time and gotten off easy, but know now if you try that again things will not go well for you.

Some Divine Intervention

There are those days when the only time you have is when you are in the shower, for me it is even rare that I am alone then. This particular morning, Nathaniel was at home, so while he watched the kids I had a LONG shower. So I am in there talking to the Lord about my newest parenting conundrum. Lainey has been having a really hard time adjusting to her new baby brother; since she has been the princess her whole life and now she has to share her kingdom. After asking Lord what should I do to help her he tells me to teach her the fruits of the spirit, basic right? Well, I went to Galatians because, to be honest, I haven't read them in years and probably never read the verses leading up to them. Wouldn't you know, one of the many things having the fruits of the spirit cures is jealousy. Isn't funny how we can read all of the parenting advise online and in books but really all we need to do is ask the Lord.

One Year Ago, Today

It was the day after our 5th anniversary and I had an early miscarriage. Of course this was really sad and hard for me. At the time Nathaniel was working against a huge deadline and was unable to be here. This is where the Lord met me. While I was pregnant we where talking about names and one we thought of was, Jonah. After the miscarriage I felt led to look up the name, which I thought was strange and I really didn't want to, seemed to painful. Well, I finally looked it up and it was worded different than any name I had looked at before; it said "Jonah is a Dove" not Jonah means dove or Jonah - Dove. It said Jonah IS a Dove. Of course a dove represents so many things but to me it was about peace and comfort. So I did what most would do and got a tattoo of a dove on my foot. Then on Thanksgiving day I found out I was pregnant again. Through out the beginning I was trying so hard to hold on to the peace I had been given. Each day I would remind myself of the promise I had from the Lord and each day things got easier. Sometime before I found out I was having a boy I had a dream and in the dream, I was sitting on my bed with Lainey, and there was a baby sitting on the floor of my room with their back to me playing with some blocks. In the other room was a baby boy who was crying and needed me, so I looked at the baby on the floor and knew this baby was being taken care of so I could go attend my son. So Lainey and I went into the other room, that was it, but man it spoke so much to me. The baby on the floor was only a little bit older than the baby in the other room, and was being taken care of by someone other than me. This meant, to me, that the baby I lost was in heaven and that the Lord was the one watching over them. So now we will fast forward to July; Eliot arrives. Just after the surgery we are all in the room, and there is a dove sitting on the column outside of my window. So now I look at my son and am reminded of how the Lord will always take care of you even in the midst of sadness and heartache.

Identity

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh

This is one of my favorite quotes about motherhood, because one of the biggest struggles of being a mother is your new identity. Before I had my daughter I was working as an Executive Administrative Assistant... sounds important doesn't it? I loved my job, or at least the person I worked for and they really liked me, no seriously. But more importantly I loved the way I felt once I had accomplished something on my to do list. I was great at my job, I knew what I was doing and was very comfortable with my given responsibilities. Then here comes this beautiful, helpless, little girl I have now been given charge over. She totally rock my world and more than I ever anticipated; I know you have heard that one before, but it's true there is nothing that can prepare you. I not only didn't have a clue what I was doing, I didn't have any training... babysitting doesn't count. Sure I have been around kids my whole life, but this, this was different. I have to parent this child; I now had to tap into a part of me I didn't know was there. There are so many emotions flying everywhere it will make your head spin. On one hand I was totally in love and on the other I was tired and overwhelmed. So I tried to go back to work and have things as they where before. Some sort of normalcy, some place that I could relate to, but was too late; I didn't know who I was or what I wanted anymore. Slowly through the next year I regained my barrings and moved forward to a new and exciting stage of life. Now that have two kids things are once again turned upside down, but this time I am much more comfortable with the mother I have become.

I had a thought lying in bed the other night, you know one of the few moments of peace in my life right now. I thought to myself, one thing that will never change I will always be a mother. I have two children here and one in heaven and they will always be a part of me. So while being a mother is not the only part of my identity it is a big focus right now.