One Year Ago, Today

It was the day after our 5th anniversary and I had an early miscarriage. Of course this was really sad and hard for me. At the time Nathaniel was working against a huge deadline and was unable to be here. This is where the Lord met me. While I was pregnant we where talking about names and one we thought of was, Jonah. After the miscarriage I felt led to look up the name, which I thought was strange and I really didn't want to, seemed to painful. Well, I finally looked it up and it was worded different than any name I had looked at before; it said "Jonah is a Dove" not Jonah means dove or Jonah - Dove. It said Jonah IS a Dove. Of course a dove represents so many things but to me it was about peace and comfort. So I did what most would do and got a tattoo of a dove on my foot. Then on Thanksgiving day I found out I was pregnant again. Through out the beginning I was trying so hard to hold on to the peace I had been given. Each day I would remind myself of the promise I had from the Lord and each day things got easier. Sometime before I found out I was having a boy I had a dream and in the dream, I was sitting on my bed with Lainey, and there was a baby sitting on the floor of my room with their back to me playing with some blocks. In the other room was a baby boy who was crying and needed me, so I looked at the baby on the floor and knew this baby was being taken care of so I could go attend my son. So Lainey and I went into the other room, that was it, but man it spoke so much to me. The baby on the floor was only a little bit older than the baby in the other room, and was being taken care of by someone other than me. This meant, to me, that the baby I lost was in heaven and that the Lord was the one watching over them. So now we will fast forward to July; Eliot arrives. Just after the surgery we are all in the room, and there is a dove sitting on the column outside of my window. So now I look at my son and am reminded of how the Lord will always take care of you even in the midst of sadness and heartache.