Identity

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh

This is one of my favorite quotes about motherhood, because one of the biggest struggles of being a mother is your new identity. Before I had my daughter I was working as an Executive Administrative Assistant... sounds important doesn't it? I loved my job, or at least the person I worked for and they really liked me, no seriously. But more importantly I loved the way I felt once I had accomplished something on my to do list. I was great at my job, I knew what I was doing and was very comfortable with my given responsibilities. Then here comes this beautiful, helpless, little girl I have now been given charge over. She totally rock my world and more than I ever anticipated; I know you have heard that one before, but it's true there is nothing that can prepare you. I not only didn't have a clue what I was doing, I didn't have any training... babysitting doesn't count. Sure I have been around kids my whole life, but this, this was different. I have to parent this child; I now had to tap into a part of me I didn't know was there. There are so many emotions flying everywhere it will make your head spin. On one hand I was totally in love and on the other I was tired and overwhelmed. So I tried to go back to work and have things as they where before. Some sort of normalcy, some place that I could relate to, but was too late; I didn't know who I was or what I wanted anymore. Slowly through the next year I regained my barrings and moved forward to a new and exciting stage of life. Now that have two kids things are once again turned upside down, but this time I am much more comfortable with the mother I have become.

I had a thought lying in bed the other night, you know one of the few moments of peace in my life right now. I thought to myself, one thing that will never change I will always be a mother. I have two children here and one in heaven and they will always be a part of me. So while being a mother is not the only part of my identity it is a big focus right now.